Why You Should Be Glad If Your Boyfriend Goes to a Social Coach
June 13, 2014
A lot of our guys experience it. Hell, I’ve experienced it: You go on a few dates with a girl and then she finds out your “deep, dark secret.”
You’ve gotten social coaching.
Reactions include everything from ridicule (“You needed that?”) to anger (“You tricked me into liking you!”). However, I’m going to say that the women who date guys who’ve had social coaching (or at least graduates of The Art of Charm -- hey, I’m a partisan, what can I say?) are the lucky ones. I’m going to argue that there is no finer catch out there than the types of guys we graduate.
Picking Up on the Little Things
Let’s face it, it can be hard to pick up the subtleties of communication. Body language is responsible for something like 70 percent of human communication. I’m not saying that you absolutely need social coaching to pick up on body language cues; But I will say that you’re going to be far more adept at reading them than if you haven’t had any training.
It’s a great way to meet girls, but it’s also a great way to respond to what they want. If you’ve ever been frustrated because you felt like a guy wasn’t picking up on your signals, why wouldn’t you want to date a guy who had spent time, energy and money trying to learn how to pick up on your signals when you’re sending them out?
Men aren’t from Mars and women aren’t from Venus. There are some things in body language that are universal; Other things are not. We teach both of them. When you’re dating a guy who has been to a social coach, you’re finally getting a man who can “read your mind.”
Keeping the Romance Alive
We recently did some research on breakups and what we found surprised us: Most couples break up, not because one is a violent drunk or the other is a kleptomaniac. Most couples break up because the spark is gone, they’re both bored and it’s destroying the relationship.
We don’t think that every relationship is built to last; We do, however, think that relationships have a way better chance of surviving if at least one of the people involved knows why things go stale. And, as it turns out, that’s one of the things we teach at The Art of Charm.
What do we really mean when we say “romance?” It’s not just caring. More than that, it’s about being exciting. It’s about keeping things fresh through that excitement. Think about it: A great way to reinject spark into the relationship is trying new things in the bedroom. A way better way is for the two of you to go on some adventure that you’ve both always wanted to go on before but never had the chance to.
Backpacking across Asia. Skydiving. Even trying new restaurants in parts of town that you’ve never been to. These are the types of things we teach guys to do so that their relationships don’t fall flat.
Seeing You For You
One of the biggest misconceptions about dating and social coaching is that we train men to see all women as interchangeable. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth.
Look, there are definitely some commonalities that run through women, generally applicable principles that give a guy a better chance if he knows about them. But one thing that we continually stress across everything that we do is that women are complicated individuals, not cookie cutters that you can treat all exactly the same way.
Do you ever find that you date men who have a lot of baggage? Ones that have you being like “Whoa, buddy, I’m not your ex?” A lot of guys can be like this; Bad experiences scar them and make them expect bad experiences in the future. We try to get guys to start seeing every experience as new -- and to expect the best out of it.
We call it a “righteous circle” in contrast to a “vicious circle.” Basically it works this way:
Guys start looking for good things in their lives.
Guy begin to notice good things in their lives.
They stop shutting out good things, which allows more good things to happen…
...so they notice more good things happening in their lives.
What this has to do with you is that the first step is realizing that every woman you meet is an individual. She’s not your ex. She’s not the girl who dissed you back in high school. She’s her own unique person that you need to get to know.
One big thing we focus on at The Art of Charm is teaching guys how to have fun. Sounds simple, right? But it’s not, or everyone would always be having a great time. So how do we do it?
It operates on a micro and a macro level. The micro level is just getting out of your head, learning how to make people feel good around you, teaching guys the tools they need to be the fun-loving party guy in the room at any given moment, but also to leave space for everyone else to participate… because one thing that we get is that “entertaining” guys are usually anything but.
From there, we teach guys one of the most sought after skill sets going: How to make sure every date that you go on is as killer as you can make it. Sure, sometimes the two of you just aren’t compatible and there’s nothing that can be done about it. But when you’re out on a date, if you’re having a boring time, there’s a good chance (sorry, fellas) that it’s the guy’s fault.
So we teach our guys the science of having fun in a way that’s intuitive, easy to remember and isn’t going to bog them down in the details.
Taking Care of Himself
It all starts with you. That’s what we teach our guys. At the end of the day, if you don’t have your own house in order, you’re never going to be able to attract anyone: Friends, allies at the workplace or, of course, women.
One of the first places we start with guys who are going out all the time chasing after women is to tell them to slow their roll. They need to set a time budget, throw themselves into work, hit the gym and basically spend their time on themselves before they can think about moving on and dating all kinds of girls, or even just one.
What does this mean for you? It means when you date a guy who has gone through social coaching with us that he’s not someone you’re going to have to babysit. He’s not going to be clingy or needy. He’s going to be comfortable with and secure in himself before he starts dating.
And from what I hear, that solves about 90 percent of what women think is wrong with men.